Taught by a Nightmare

I woke up to a nightmare last night.  Not one of those nightmares involving monsters or ghosts, but one of those that caused me to wake up in a cold sweat and that continued to bring itself to the front of my memory all morning, bringing with it the same sense of unease and anxiety.

I dreamed that, for some reason or another, I was being admitted into a penitentiary.  Whether or not I was guilty or innocent of the crime that was committed wasn't important or made known in the dream, but it was known that I would have to be locked up for at least one year. 

While the details of the dream were and are hazy, I remember more vividly the feelings and emotions that were felt while I was asleep and trapped in that situation.

As I stood in line, waiting my turn to be processed by my old mission president (who was the official in charge for some reason), my mind turned inward as I began to reflect on the situation. 

I've always been the kind of guy that tries to find the silver lining in difficult situations and to look on the bright side of things.  This was the same case in this dream.  As I thought about the confinement that I would be in, my mind thought that at least I would be able to catch up on a lot of reading and studying without interruption.

However, as soon as that thought crossed through my mind, it was followed by a sickening feeling of dread as I realized how much I would be missing.  I would be away from my wife.  I would be away from my parents and my family.  And worst of all, I would miss the birth of my firstborn child.

I wish that I could say that I woke with a start upon feeling those emotions, but I had to endure what felt like an eternity of those feelings before my back pain finally jolted me awake, followed by my alarm shortly thereafter.

As I mentioned earlier, even after being awake I was plagued by the memories of this nightmare, that my memory unwillingly recalled over and over again while I prepared myself to go to church.  Sitting in sacrament meeting, I was still bothered by the dream, and prayed silently for comfort.  It was at that time that a feeling of understanding came over me about the dream that I had.

It's always been in my nature to be able to get immersed in projects, studies, and solo activities, whether they be something music-related (such as practicing the guitar for hours at a time and/or writing music), something technical like building a website or learning and reading up on technology that I work with or want to know more about, and/or even just reading for entertainment and leisure.

With life being so busy these days, those things have nearly become a thing of the past.  After working full-time at a satisfying yet stressful job, I come home and simply want to spent time with my wife.  I no longer sit in front of my computer with my guitar in hand, wearing headphones, or sit down with my Kindle in hand for hours at a time.  There just isn't time.

But what this dream has brought to my realization is that this doesn't matter.  The thing that means the very most to me in my life is my family, and it always will be.  More and more, in fact, as my family continues to grow.

This week is very special for me and my wife, because on Wednesday we will finally get to find out the gender of our little baby.  My thoughts on what it will be changes almost every day, but I will be absolutely thrilled whether it be a girl or a boy.

Yesterday, my wife and I were able to do a lot of work to prepare for the baby's coming.  We worked on cleaning out the baby's future room, which still had been completely full of wedding gifts that we haven't been able to use or return yet.  We swapped out and hung drapes in the living room and two of our bedrooms.  We also finally got to move our dog's crate from our bedroom to the computer room, now that we finally have some drapes that will keep it dark when it's time for him to take his naps.

It was really wonderful to spend the day like that yesterday.  It was a lot of work and my wife and I were both pretty sore by the time we were finished, but it felt amazing to know that we were preparing for the new addition to our family.  I think about our little baby every single day and how great it will be when the time finally comes to meet him or her.  I already know that it will be a sacred experience for me and Whitney.

I love my wife very much.  She is my rock and my reason for waking up every morning.  I love every second I get to spend with her and am so excited that I have all of eternity to be by her side.  Some of my favorite moments that I've had since being married were just lying in bed with her talking about our day, or worries, our excitements, or anything else that came to mind.  She is the best person to talk to and I think we are each other's therapy in a lot of ways.

Having said that, it is no wonder why my nightmare affecting me so heavily.  The thought of being far from my wife, my child, and the rest of my family was--and is--unbearable.  I'm no psychologist, but I think that this was the primary fear that was manifesting itself to me while I slept.  But, as traumatizing as it was for me, I am grateful for the realization that was presented to me of exactly what my priorities are.

I know now without a doubt, as I'm sure I did before the dream as well, that my family is my highest priority in life, and I will do everything in my power and with all of my energy to make them happy and to be worthy of the eternal marriage that Whitney and I established on the first of February this year.

Llamado a Servir

Since the day that my little brother Easton entered my life eighteen years ago, I knew that the day would come when he received his call from the Lord to serve his two year mission.  However, that day always seemed to be part of a future that would never arrive, an everlasting tomorrow.  He was my little brother and always would be.

Despite that feeling, I never doubted that he would be an incredible missionary.  Throughout his entire life he has always had an amazing spirit about him that spoke volumes about his convictions and his testimony of the Gospel.  This sense of preparedness has seemed to skyrocket over the past few years and months, and even weeks.

Easton and I have always been very close.  Even while he was really young, he was my "little buddy."  He and I did everything together.  We were the perfect video game companions.  We rode bikes and skateboards.  We even just hung out and did whatever sounded fun.

I also had the unique opportunity of saying that I played in a rock band with my little brother.  When I was about eighteen years old, I began a band called Last Gamble with my cousins Joel Thompson and Jake Jensen.  It started out as a cover band, with us just playing renditions of our favorite songs by Millencolin, Tiger Army, and Rise Against.  At the same time, my grandpa Elliott--who played in a jazz band for about 38 years--was teaching Easton to play the drums, and he was really picking it up quickly.

I was extremely impressed with how well Easton had learned to play, especially at his young age.  I had attempted to learn the drums from my grandpa, but I just couldn't fall into it as much as I wanted to and shifted toward the bass guitar instead.  Easton, on the other hand, flourished and had a natural rhythm.

I decided to help my brother along with his gift and bought him a Tama Stagestar drum set, which is designed to be a smaller set used for gigs where you don't have a lot of storage space.  I, however, found it to be the perfect size for such a little guy.  Easton joined our little group and we began not only learning covers but writing our own material.  We even got invited to play several shows in local venues, one of which performing as the opening act to a band I would later join.

We became pretty well known in the Provo area because of Easton, and I got accustomed to getting calls from venues asking if we were "the band with that awesome ten-year-old drummer."  People looked forward to hearing us play, and I'm sure it was mostly because of how fun it was to watch a kid who was barely taller than his drum set playing some advanced fills in songs.

As time went by, our small group dissolved as I went on to play in larger bands and because Jake lived so far away, but my bond with Easton was still very strong.  One of my very best friends growing up was my cousin Joel, and when he had to move to California I was very sad that I had lost such a close friend.  I turned to Easton and we did a lot together, whether it was going places like Nickelcade or to movies, playing racquetball, or just hanging out at home playing video games.

Even after my mission we still spent a lot of time together, even though he was obviously in his teen years and had a lot of other friends that he hung out with.  Some of my favorite memories of my unmarried life are when Joel, East, and I would meet up in my basement with our Xbox systems to play Call of Duty or other games late into the night together, laughing at each other and just having a great time.

Throughout those teen years, East has continued to really impress me.  Even with his energetic, fun side he still had a strong testimony and stood up for what he believed in.  I distinctly remember a time when he and I were the only ones home while my parents and Steph were out of town, where we had a long, late night talk about a friend situation he was having.  His friend was not very interested in living by Gospel standards or attending church or seminary, and East was worried that remaining friends with him would affect his own spiritual standing.  He had turned to me for help because he had come to a crossroads where he needed to put friendships on the line to do what is right.  I am so happy to know that he made the right decision, and that such thoughts were even on his radar at that age.

I have been continuously impressed with him, especially during this time that his mission is drawing closer.  I was excited to know that he has been attending a mission preparedness class, and that he has been thoroughly studying the Preach My Gospel manual so that he can be as prepared as possible.  It was also wonderful to hear of his progress as he filled out his mission papers and met with the bishop and stake president.

This past Wednesday, the day finally came when the envelope arrived at my parents' home addressed to "Elder Easton Dean Shurtliff," stating that it was from the office of the First Presidency.

We all met up that night to go to Brick Oven to celebrate both the call and several family birthdays occurring that month.  After dinner, when Easton's nerves were undoubtedly ready to pop, we returned home and sat around him as he opened the letter.  We all made our guesses on where he would go, but I think honestly we could see Easton serving both stateside and foreign, and so could he.  We knew he would truly be happy with wherever the Lord sent him.

With emotions running high and the tension thick in the air, Easton opened his call.



Aguascalientes.  Easton--soon to be Elder Shurtliff--would be serving in the Mexico Aguascalientes mission, serving the Lord in the Spanish language.  He would be entering the Provo MTC on January 22nd.

Easton...obviously...couldn't be happier, and neither could we.  I am beyond words when I say that I am so excited for him to be serving in Mexico.  I know that he will be an incredible missionary, and that he will dedicate his whole heart and soul to the Lord during that time to help others to come unto Christ and experience the joys of the restored Gospel.

Last night I had the opportunity to attend the Priesthood Session of general conference with Easton for the last time before his mission.  It was so touching to look over at him as he hurriedly scrawled down notes from each speaker in his notebook, rapt with attention.

I just know that Easton will be a superb missionary, and I am so excited to love and support him as much as I can while he is gone with mail and by any other means necessary, and know that he will truly be used an an instrument of the Lord in preaching the Gospel to the Mexican people.

Just as he has been throughout his entire life, Easton continues to be a huge example to me and I look up to him so much.  I am so excited to learn from him and follow his progress during his mission, and to see the man that he becomes while he is out there.