I dreamed that, for some reason or another, I was being admitted into a penitentiary. Whether or not I was guilty or innocent of the crime that was committed wasn't important or made known in the dream, but it was known that I would have to be locked up for at least one year.
While the details of the dream were and are hazy, I remember more vividly the feelings and emotions that were felt while I was asleep and trapped in that situation.
As I stood in line, waiting my turn to be processed by my old mission president (who was the official in charge for some reason), my mind turned inward as I began to reflect on the situation.
I've always been the kind of guy that tries to find the silver lining in difficult situations and to look on the bright side of things. This was the same case in this dream. As I thought about the confinement that I would be in, my mind thought that at least I would be able to catch up on a lot of reading and studying without interruption.
However, as soon as that thought crossed through my mind, it was followed by a sickening feeling of dread as I realized how much I would be missing. I would be away from my wife. I would be away from my parents and my family. And worst of all, I would miss the birth of my firstborn child.
I wish that I could say that I woke with a start upon feeling those emotions, but I had to endure what felt like an eternity of those feelings before my back pain finally jolted me awake, followed by my alarm shortly thereafter.
As I mentioned earlier, even after being awake I was plagued by the memories of this nightmare, that my memory unwillingly recalled over and over again while I prepared myself to go to church. Sitting in sacrament meeting, I was still bothered by the dream, and prayed silently for comfort. It was at that time that a feeling of understanding came over me about the dream that I had.
It's always been in my nature to be able to get immersed in projects, studies, and solo activities, whether they be something music-related (such as practicing the guitar for hours at a time and/or writing music), something technical like building a website or learning and reading up on technology that I work with or want to know more about, and/or even just reading for entertainment and leisure.
With life being so busy these days, those things have nearly become a thing of the past. After working full-time at a satisfying yet stressful job, I come home and simply want to spent time with my wife. I no longer sit in front of my computer with my guitar in hand, wearing headphones, or sit down with my Kindle in hand for hours at a time. There just isn't time.
But what this dream has brought to my realization is that this doesn't matter. The thing that means the very most to me in my life is my family, and it always will be. More and more, in fact, as my family continues to grow.
This week is very special for me and my wife, because on Wednesday we will finally get to find out the gender of our little baby. My thoughts on what it will be changes almost every day, but I will be absolutely thrilled whether it be a girl or a boy.
Yesterday, my wife and I were able to do a lot of work to prepare for the baby's coming. We worked on cleaning out the baby's future room, which still had been completely full of wedding gifts that we haven't been able to use or return yet. We swapped out and hung drapes in the living room and two of our bedrooms. We also finally got to move our dog's crate from our bedroom to the computer room, now that we finally have some drapes that will keep it dark when it's time for him to take his naps.
It was really wonderful to spend the day like that yesterday. It was a lot of work and my wife and I were both pretty sore by the time we were finished, but it felt amazing to know that we were preparing for the new addition to our family. I think about our little baby every single day and how great it will be when the time finally comes to meet him or her. I already know that it will be a sacred experience for me and Whitney.
I love my wife very much. She is my rock and my reason for waking up every morning. I love every second I get to spend with her and am so excited that I have all of eternity to be by her side. Some of my favorite moments that I've had since being married were just lying in bed with her talking about our day, or worries, our excitements, or anything else that came to mind. She is the best person to talk to and I think we are each other's therapy in a lot of ways.
Having said that, it is no wonder why my nightmare affecting me so heavily. The thought of being far from my wife, my child, and the rest of my family was--and is--unbearable. I'm no psychologist, but I think that this was the primary fear that was manifesting itself to me while I slept. But, as traumatizing as it was for me, I am grateful for the realization that was presented to me of exactly what my priorities are.
I know now without a doubt, as I'm sure I did before the dream as well, that my family is my highest priority in life, and I will do everything in my power and with all of my energy to make them happy and to be worthy of the eternal marriage that Whitney and I established on the first of February this year.
However, as soon as that thought crossed through my mind, it was followed by a sickening feeling of dread as I realized how much I would be missing. I would be away from my wife. I would be away from my parents and my family. And worst of all, I would miss the birth of my firstborn child.
I wish that I could say that I woke with a start upon feeling those emotions, but I had to endure what felt like an eternity of those feelings before my back pain finally jolted me awake, followed by my alarm shortly thereafter.
As I mentioned earlier, even after being awake I was plagued by the memories of this nightmare, that my memory unwillingly recalled over and over again while I prepared myself to go to church. Sitting in sacrament meeting, I was still bothered by the dream, and prayed silently for comfort. It was at that time that a feeling of understanding came over me about the dream that I had.
It's always been in my nature to be able to get immersed in projects, studies, and solo activities, whether they be something music-related (such as practicing the guitar for hours at a time and/or writing music), something technical like building a website or learning and reading up on technology that I work with or want to know more about, and/or even just reading for entertainment and leisure.
With life being so busy these days, those things have nearly become a thing of the past. After working full-time at a satisfying yet stressful job, I come home and simply want to spent time with my wife. I no longer sit in front of my computer with my guitar in hand, wearing headphones, or sit down with my Kindle in hand for hours at a time. There just isn't time.
But what this dream has brought to my realization is that this doesn't matter. The thing that means the very most to me in my life is my family, and it always will be. More and more, in fact, as my family continues to grow.
This week is very special for me and my wife, because on Wednesday we will finally get to find out the gender of our little baby. My thoughts on what it will be changes almost every day, but I will be absolutely thrilled whether it be a girl or a boy.
Yesterday, my wife and I were able to do a lot of work to prepare for the baby's coming. We worked on cleaning out the baby's future room, which still had been completely full of wedding gifts that we haven't been able to use or return yet. We swapped out and hung drapes in the living room and two of our bedrooms. We also finally got to move our dog's crate from our bedroom to the computer room, now that we finally have some drapes that will keep it dark when it's time for him to take his naps.
It was really wonderful to spend the day like that yesterday. It was a lot of work and my wife and I were both pretty sore by the time we were finished, but it felt amazing to know that we were preparing for the new addition to our family. I think about our little baby every single day and how great it will be when the time finally comes to meet him or her. I already know that it will be a sacred experience for me and Whitney.
I love my wife very much. She is my rock and my reason for waking up every morning. I love every second I get to spend with her and am so excited that I have all of eternity to be by her side. Some of my favorite moments that I've had since being married were just lying in bed with her talking about our day, or worries, our excitements, or anything else that came to mind. She is the best person to talk to and I think we are each other's therapy in a lot of ways.
Having said that, it is no wonder why my nightmare affecting me so heavily. The thought of being far from my wife, my child, and the rest of my family was--and is--unbearable. I'm no psychologist, but I think that this was the primary fear that was manifesting itself to me while I slept. But, as traumatizing as it was for me, I am grateful for the realization that was presented to me of exactly what my priorities are.
I know now without a doubt, as I'm sure I did before the dream as well, that my family is my highest priority in life, and I will do everything in my power and with all of my energy to make them happy and to be worthy of the eternal marriage that Whitney and I established on the first of February this year.
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